 At some point in my life I began reading the Dear Abby advice column. The range of questions that came in fascinated me and on a number of occasions I benefited by the advice given though I had not sought it out.
Still, I wondered why these people couldn’t turn to family and friends in their time of need. Was their situation so unique that they truly were the only person out there struggling with that dilemma?
It didn’t take long after I started the Ask VTwin Mama advice column for women motorcycle riders in 2001 to come to the realization that simply acknowledging that the writer was not alone was just as important as sharing steps that could be taken to overcome a challenge.
Here is a small compilation of the fruitful communications that exists in a typical conversation on Ask VTwin Mama:
“I started out really slow with a lot of encouragement from hubby,” said Susanne Koch of Glendale, AZ. “Besides him I had no support because all of my friends and co-workers told me I was crazy for wanting to ride. They told me I would surely get killed ... all the things that no new rider wants to hear.”
Input like this makes me realize that even though we intrinsically know every rider has a lot to learn, mixed messages can be confusing and sometimes overwhelming. Putting together short, unapologetic responses can help.
Kathryn Trauger of Glenwood Springs, CO explains it this way: “Some of the people I encounter say, ‘Wow, I would never have the courage to do that.’ It is not about courage, it is about being tenacious, having a dream and acting on it and being stubborn enough to say, ‘I will do this.’ It is about breaking the stereotype of what others think you should be. The end result is so worth it.”
I am also very cognizant that as we get older we are more apt to think that if we try hard enough the outcome will always be successful. For many women, learning to ride a motorcycle is very different at a core essential technical/physical level than any other challenge they have decided to pursue.
“That first weekend at the MSF course was such a jumble of emotions,” said Nance Lee Mosquera of Minneapolis, MN. “Pride at acing the written test. Excitement at starting up and sitting on a bike for the first time - and when I actually rolled it across the lot! Frustration at my inability to maneuver in the stupid U-turn box. And disappointment when I flunked the riding test. But I had started this journey and there was no way I was gonna stop.”
Sometimes the beginning of the adventure is even less successful.
“I took the MSF without ever having been on the front of a bike, and failed miserably,” said Rose D. from Long Island, NY. “I fell during the class and got hurt enough to keep me off a bike for a few months. Then the fear set in and I stayed away for two years! I was petrified to ever get back on. I didn't believe I was really capable of it.”
When a woman is “pushed” towards the challenge of riding solo, this can become a difficulty. A general notion of interest may exist, but the timeframe is very personal.
“In 2003, my husband bought a 100th Anniversary Fat Boy,” said Donna McKale from Ten Mile, TN. “I had ridden, back seat, many times through out my life but had not considered becoming a front seat driver. In 2005, my husband began trying to get me to learn to ride. I resisted. By January 2007, I had run out of excuses.”
There is no doubt that most of have read articles about increased motorcycle sales due to economic realties, and this can propel a woman to learn how to ride.
“Learning to ride was pretty scary and I had to remind myself that it didn't matter if I liked it … it was to save gas,” said Tricia J. from Kelseyville, CA. “I had a sneaking suspicion that I might like it, but didn't know for sure. I was going to learn either way. I often thought I had lost my mind or had a subconscious death wish because I kept trying. And I might like it … a little. Other people did, so maybe I could learn too.”
The statistics that chronicle the rise of solo women riders is much more prevalent in the media today. Our percentage ranges from 10% to 13% depending on the source and the round figure often cited is that there are four million registered women riders. Yet, each step in a women’s journey into the adventure of motorcycle riding can feel very singular in nature despite the fact that we do know we are not alone.
“Men sometimes don't get the fear factor," continued Susanne. “Most of them approach riding differently than women.”
Despite the rising number of solo women riders, the median age has increased from 38 years young in 1998 to 42 years young in 2007. From all the letters I have received at the VTwin Mama site, as we get older, reaching out to like-minded folks in a new adventure doesn’t always feel comfortable. A number of women have noted that if one is lucky, the initial camaraderie is found while taking a basic riding course.
“I wanted to do something exciting before turning forty,” noted Susanne. “My husband always wanted to ride, so one day I told him I would take the MSF with him. Little did I know what I had gotten myself in to. There were only very few ladies at the MSF, it was mostly guys who had ridden before. I had a little bit of experience riding a dirt bike, which really helped out, but I was still a nervous wreck. My husband was in another group, so I didn't see him at all during the two days of riding. I felt alone at first, but soon realized that the other ladies felt the same we and we started encouraging and helping each other.”
Debbie Domke in Indiana added, “I was scared to death when I took the MSF course. I took an all women's course that they do every May for us women. And the first night meeting the women we all found out we were all having the same feelings. The second day getting on the bikes, well pretty much the same feelings. But towards the end of the day we were all laughing at our screw-ups and relaxing. I felt more emotions those three days then I did when giving birth!”
Having a mentor in the initial phase of solo riding can be as a blessing, but doesn’t always turn out as one expects.
“I passed the course and my hubby took me riding and helped me out a bunch,” said Lydia Holland from Northern LA. “We would ride on weekends together, but I still had a scary feeling about mounting the bike and taking off on it for some time. But then I realized I am in control of this bike, I make it move, I stop it, and no one else does it for me. I am doing something on my own that I accomplished like a challenge. I've spent the money on this bike and its not going to sit and collect dust either.”
“I rode with a girl who wanted to go fast instead of wanting to teach me how to ride,” chimed in Toni G. from South Carolina. “So, I had to make a decision to go at it alone. I live in the country so it was not so bad, but the loneliness did bother me. But, what was the alternative? Ride fast to play catch up with a person who did not care if I was new, or go at my own speed and learn the right way. I decided to go at it on my own and have been loving it ever since!”
There is no doubt in my mind that the personal computer and the creation of the Internet is something I would have loved back in 1979 when I started out. It puts all sorts of information at your fingertips, although it can still be hard to weed through the search engine hits to find trustworthy sources. Many women note that general boards on technique or technical information specific to a motorcycle model can erupt in a rude communication style, so often lurking for input is the best pathway. Women-specific online sources have come and gone, I think largely because it’s often a pure labour of love rather than a sustainable income source.
“The VTwin Mama Message Board group has been so supportive, so appreciative of all the little successes we share with each other,” noted Nance Lee. “We really know how it feels to realize we no longer fear turns from a stop!”
“That site was the only place for me to get advice, encouragement and much needed support,” added Susanne. “Most of the people I know still can't believe I ride - so it's good to have all of the ladies on this board to talk to!”
We are all very aware that feeling alone and being alone are two different things. I was totally captivated by this input from Alice M. in Dearborn, MI:
“And days off? Well, if my hubby’s not around, I’m off on my bike. All my riding is done alone. This is pretty significant for me because I’ve never been a do-it-by-yourself kind of gal. I like to share experiences with other people. Before I took up riding, if I didn’t have a buddy to go do something with, I just didn’t do it. Now, I don’t really hesitate. I still prefer to be with my hubby or my friends but I don’t let their unavailability or disinterest hold me back from something I want to do. Riding has impacted my life significantly and made me a stronger person. And you know what feels especially great? I know that other people are looking at me like I am a stronger person. When you’re a woman and you ride a motorcycle, people just look at you differently. Like you’re bolder, more capable, maybe a little wilder.”
“Getting my motorcycle and learning to ride was a huge part of finding myself again,” said Diane Stehno of Athens, TN. “There's nothing like throwing my leg over the saddle of my bike and taking off on a journey, whether its a few miles down the road or going out of state on a new adventure. Riding speaks to my soul and comforts it and gives me that solitary time with myself to meditate on God, my life and where I am in it. I look back and know that life goes by really fast and when you get older you realize it’s time to reach out and grab what you can to make life exciting.”
Though there are struggles that a new woman rider faces, or challenges that crop up later in the journey, it would be difficult to end this article without expanding on why all of this hard work makes sense.
“When I'm riding, that is when my true soul spirit comes out,” said Lisa P. in California. “When things get stressed at work, I just jump on for a ride and all the stress just blows away. I come home or back to work feeling refreshed and ready to take on anything. There's nothing like truly becoming one with your bike, it really does feel like an extension of you. Learning how to ride isn't easy, but the reward is the worth the effort.”
“How can you explain a feeling, an accomplishment that is so overwhelming?” added Kathryn. “It really takes someone who knows where you are coming from to really understand. So many of my co-workers, ‘friends,’ and relatives look at me like I am from Mars . . . or maybe Venus? But I can't explain the mixture of emotions and feelings when pulling my bike out of the garage and starting her up! I love to listen to the engine as it warms up, the smell of the exhaust, the anticipation I feel. I have only been riding for a few months and I am in my mid 50s. This is something I have done for me, not to impress anyone else. It was something I wanted to do. It wasn't easy but it was so worth it!”
You are not alone. Whether the bond is forged in the classroom, with a significant other or friend, by finding a riding group (general or women-specific), or locating a thoughtful and respectful online “riding club,” you do not have to be alone.
“The more I rode, the more I wanted to ride,” concluded Donna. Four million women think that that makes perfect sense.
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